6 Reasons Your Marriage Is Failing

this is too 6 Reasons Your Marriage Is Failing


What does a stable marriage look like? Steadfast, enduring, permanent? In today's marriage climate, those words don't seem to reflect many marriages I know. Couples are cheating, divorcing and falling apart and that's not even counting the celebrity marriages. When I said "I do," I said it hoping my marriage would endure. Yet, the longer I've been married the more I see how easy it is to loose your footing on the foundations of your marriage. Here are 6 ways that I know marriages can stumble.
We fail to create a stable marriage when we rely on our spouse to fulfill all of our needs.
It is unfair to think that our spouse will meet all of our needs. Being a guy who is trying to align his life with the Bible, I tend to go back to the story about Adam and Eve. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were kicked out of paradise where all their needs were met. They were then cursed to work hard for everything they needed. Whether you believe that story or not, the truth remains that it takes a lot of work and more than one person to fill all the needs in our lives. We long for all of our needs to be met by one person, but that just isn't going to happen. Your spouse is human, not divine. Your spouse may be great but you can't expect them to be your Eden.

We fail to create a stable marriage when we think its all about ourselves.
To quote from Rick Warren's book The Purpose Driven Life, "It's Not About You."

But, we do make our marriages all about it. When it comes to relationships, we think only of ourselves and our needs. I admit I am REALLY selfish. I want my Beautiful Wife™ to take care of all of my wants and needs. But what if I shifted my perspective a bit and focused on serving her and actually asked questions about what she desires? When it comes to serving my wife, I am often inconsiderate and that causes problems. I have to remember that my marriage is not all about me.

We fail to create a stable marriage when we make the other person the center of our life.
We all love a good romantic movie. I'm a sucker for "The American President" with Michael Douglas and Annette Bening. But life and marriage don't work like they do in the movies. You can't just run around always thinking about that special someone. I believe that marriage is the most important relationship we can have on this planet; however, if you make your mate the one and only center of your universe, your life is gonna be screwy. I said earlier that marriage is not all about you, but guess what? Marriage is not all about your spouse either. You can't be around your spouse every waking minute. That's just creepy. Give your spouse the space to grow and be who they are.

We fail to create a stable marriage when we make being happy the most important thing in our lives.
I think married couples should be happy. If they aren't happy they should be working on being happy. But happiness isn't the most important thing in a marriage. Dr. Corey Allan said it well on his blog SimpleMarriage.net, "Marriage is about growing us up." And guess what? Growing pains hurt.

Our culture gives us so many messages about how this 'thing' or that 'thing' will make us happy and fulfilled. Yet, if we approach our marriage with an attitude that asks, "What are you going to do for me to make me happy?" Your marriage is going to be a tough road. Marriage is about growing and learning to be a better person. Its not about being happy all the time.

We fail to create a stable marriage when we compare our marriage to others.
"Oh, the Phillips family down the street has the greatest, most happy marriage that I have ever seen!" Sure, but what about the stuff you don't see? When we start comparing our marriage to other marriages, we set our relationships up for failure. When we compare, we are taking what we know about our relationship and comparing it to what we DON'T know about someone else's. This can cause bitterness and dissatisfaction, which breeds contempt. No marriage needs that.

We fail to create a stable marriage when we make our marriage about romantic feelings.
Passion eventually fades. To make your marriage last you have to be committed to your spouse no matter how you feel. The romantic feelings may come and go, but your feelings of togetherness and bondedness don't have to quit. Become a student of your spouse; learn everything you can about them. It will keep you interested in and interesting to the one you love.
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What NOT to do: 7 ways to ruin your resume

We are understanding the What NOT to do: 7 ways to ruin your resume



In the time it takes you to read this paragraph, the average recruiter will have plowed through six resumes. (We know; we timed one.) Want to increase the chances of your resume making it to the next round? Then don’t do any of these seven things, which recruiters say — more than anything — make them want to push the “shred” button.

(For more resume tips, check out our interactive critique of an actual resume.)

1. Apply for a job for which you are not remotely qualified
Many candidates believe the job hunt is a numbers game — drop enough resumes, and you’re bound to land something. But shotguns are for hunting pheasant, not finding jobs. The reality is that recruiters hate wasting time on resumes from unqualified candidates. Morgan Miller, an executive recruiter at StaffMark, recalls the security guard who applied to be a financial risk manager (maybe Lehman should have hired him), while Scott Ragusa at Winter, Wyman talks of the aerial photographer who sought out a position as a tax specialist.

“Sorting through unqualified resumes is frustrating, unproductive and puts an extra burden on staff,” says Katherine Swift, Senior Account Director at KCSA Strategic Communications in Natick, Mass. “It also makes it much more challenging to find the right candidate.” So the next time you’re thinking of blasting out resumes to all 60 of the job listings on Monster.com that have the word “finance” in them , save your time (and that of the recruiters) and only apply for ones for which you’re qualified.
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It's Time For Your 7-Step Mid-Year Money Checkup

We are saw the It's Time For Your 7-Step Mid-Year Money Checkup

You change the oil in your car when the red light reminder comes on and get diligent about flossing when the dentist sends a postcard about your six-month checkup. So consider this your cue to get ready for the essential mid-year money review.

With six months of earning, saving, and spending under your belt, you've got plenty of data to project how 2010 is going to play out. So let's lift the hood on your finances and give everything a good once-over.

Your 7-step tune-up agenda
The goal of this six-month checkup is to identify potential trouble spots before they become big money gushers. Use this checklist to methodically review each area of your financial empire. Beneath each step note any lingering "to-dos" (e.g., "set aside $50 each week to cover future car repairs,” “open a Roth IRA"). If you cannot complete those items during your financial physical, set a deadline for completion. For added incentive, come up with a reward to enjoy at completion.

Step 1 - Update your personal balance sheet (what you own and what you owe): This will take about 15 to 20 minutes. Simply record the balances of the following items: checking/savings accounts; brokerage accounts; retirement accounts; home equity; short-term debt (credit cards, student/auto loans); and long-term debt (mortgage). Note what direction your money's going (up, down, haywire). If this is your first review, you now have a baseline for your next checkup.


Step 2 - Give your W-4 the once-over: If you earn a steady paycheck (meaning one not dependent on bonuses or fluctuating earnings month-to-month), this is your chance to stop overpaying Uncle Sam -- any more than you already are, that is. If you got a tax refund last year of more than $1,000 and have made no adjustments to your W-4, and if you don't anticipate any major life changes, adjust the number of withholding allowances.






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